WATCH BOOK TRAILER
I went on living what probably appeared to be a typical childhood. I had friends, I played, and became a student known for his perfect attendance. Now, I know why. It was at school that I felt safe. If I was there, he could not hurt me.
Although I found security at school, it was only five days a week for a couple of hours a day. The other times, my mind was tormented. I needed an additional safe-haven, and that’s when I found church.
I was obsessed with being loved by my congregation and by age sixteen, I was ordained deacon. But soon, I discovered a new form of abuse. I was taken advantage of and manipulated. And when I found the courage to share that I was sexually abused, I was told to “give it to God.” Sweeping it under the rug became my norm. I feared being labeled gay by my friends who grew up in a homophobic environment in the early 80s and grew resentful towards my father who abandoned me as a young child.
I struggled with romantic relationships, calling off two engagements and filing for divorce. But it was when my son turned six, the same age that my childhood trauma began, that I knew it was time for me to release my pain.
On my healing journey, I’ve developed an intimate relationship with God, sought out counseling, and found my voice. I am on a mission to expose sexual abuse, especially in the black male community where racism has led to toxic masculinity and silence around sexual abuse.
This is my open letter and I want others to find their voices to heal too as we end this epidemic.